Perfectionism

Therefore I would that ye should be perfect even as I, or your Father who is in heaven is perfect.

- 3 Nephi 12:48

I am often concerned of those youth who are compelled to do horrible things to themselves all because of the the command to be "perfect." There are youth who starve themselves to have the perfect body, take stimulants to keep them awake so they can study to have perfect grades, or use performance enhancing drugs to be perfect in sports.

Is this what Christ meant from his command to be perfect, even as He is?

A quick search of the term "perfect," at scriptures.lds.org, reveals that the word is most often used in conjunction with obedience, faith, and love. While different words are sometimes used, most of the references to perfection fall under those three categories. Even a glace at the Topical Guide, under "God, Perfection of" bears these three principles as some of the most important attributes of our Heavenly Father.

While on the earth, Jesus was not concerned about achieving perfection be hitting the most home runs at Galilee Stadium, being the fastest sprinter at Nazareth High School, or skating a perfect ten at the Jerusalem Ice Rink.

Matthew 19:21 illustrates how Christ sought to teach us to be perfect. While teaching a young man, "Jesus said unto him, If thou wilt be perfect, go and sell that thou hast, and give to the poor, and thou shalt have treasure in heaven: and come and follow me."

In attempting to teach the young man how to be perfect, Christ tells him to give to the poor. This giving is representative of perfect love. Christ did not take away the young man's belongings, that had to be the young man's own decision. Likewise, we cannot think that we have done some wonderful act when our parents "force" us to attend a service project. We must desire for ourselves to give compassion to those around us.

Christ's invitation to "come and follow me" shows the importance of perfect obedience. Agency has already been fairly well discussed in previous entries. Nevertheless, it must be our decision to follow Christ. No one else can make that decision for us.

Alas, as noted in the following verse, the young man lacked perfect faith to follow Christ's guidance. "But when the young man heard that saying, he went away sorrowful: for he had great possessions" (Matthew 19:22). The young man did not seem to trust in God to deliver far greater treasures than he had already accumulated. Sadly, he probably did not realize he could not take his possessions with him until it was too late. We should focus, as the Savior counseled, to "lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust doth corrupt" (Matthew 6:20).

These three principles - obedience, love, and faith are also illustrated in other scriptures. For example, "Look unto me in every thought; doubt not, fear not" (D&C 6:36). When we are being obedient, God will be in our "every thought." We are to "doubt not," but have faith. "Perfect love casteth out all fear" (Moroni 8:16). Thus, when we are told to "fear not," we are really being commanded to love perfectly.

I will share one more example. "Now the end of the commandment is charity out of a pure heart, and of a good conscience, and of faith unfeigned" (1 Timothy 1:5). To have a "pure heart" would be to love perfectly. We have "a good conscience" when we are keeping the commandments. "Faith unfeigned" is genuine and sincere - faith that comes by trusting the Lord in our daily actions.

God does not expect you to harm yourself in order to meet His commandment to be perfect. It is Satan who twists our minds to believe that we must starve ourselves or use drugs to be some other form of perfect. This drive to be Satan's kind of perfect makes us obsessed with ourselves, instead of devoting our time to loving and serving others, as God would have us do (see Galatians 5:13).

Satan would have you trust in your own abilities, rather than placing your faith and trust in your Heavenly Father, who makes your weaknesses strengths (see Ether 12:27).

Satan would have you be obedient to the opinions of Hollywood stars or to be obedient out of fear of the power of worldly leaders or everyday bullies. God asks that you trust not in the arm of flesh, but instead trust in Him and keep his commandments (see 2 Nephi 28:31). You should never fear in the keeping God's commandments. While some things may seem difficult, God will strengthen you. As mentioned earlier, "perfect love casteth out all fear" (Moroni 8:16). Christ is the example of perfect love. You should never be in fear of someone who claims to love you. If this is the case, their actions are not reflecting the love of God. Distance yourself from this phony love. If you are a victim of abuse, know that you are not at fault. God does not think any less of you, no matter what your abuser may have told you. God loves you and will help you as you counsel with trusted church leaders.

To victims of all abuse, Elder Richard G. Scott stated, "I solemnly testify that when another’s acts of violence, perversion, or incest hurt you terribly, against your will, you are not responsible and you must not feel guilty."

If you are a victim, realize that God's commandment "that ye love one another" (John 15:17) still applies in your life. Elder Richard G. Scott explained, "as a victim, do not waste effort in revenge or retribution against your aggressor. Focus on your responsibility to do what is in your power to correct. Leave the handling of the offender to civil and Church authorities. Whatever they do, eventually the guilty will face the Perfect Judge."

No matter what anyone around you may be doing, you still have the power to become perfect. Focus on placing your faith in God, loving those around you, and being obedient to God's commandments. Do not waste away your time on earth becoming perfect at the latest video game or some other less important activity.

That is not to say there are no other activities outside of these three areas in which you should spend time perfecting yourself. "The glory of God is intelligence" (D&C 93:36). Seek to learn what you can, recognizing that, at least in this life, you cannot know everything. However, do "seek ye out of the best books words of wisdom; seek learning, even by study and also by faith" (D&C 88:118). Nevertheless, remember that, in your search for knowledge, you should not alienate yourself from others or stop trusting in God. The search for knowledge should not prevent you from keeping the commandments to love and serve those around you. In searching for knowledge, study your scriptures diligently that you may "be faithful, and yield to no temptation" (D&C 9:13).

It is just as important to live your religion as it is to study it, if not more so. We learn this by a quick examination of the parable of the good Samaritan (see Luke 10:30-37). When a man fell victim to thieves, both a priest and a Levite looked on him and passed by (see verses 31 and 32). This is most interesting because, as we learn from the Bible Dictionary, both of these men likely worked in the temple. They knew their religion, but they failed to live it. It was the Samaritan, who held no rank or office, who truly lived his religion.

In any act that you perform, think first of whether the way you are going about it is in compliance with God's counsel. As mentioned at the beginning of this entry, there are those who starve themselves to gain a "perfect body." God, as counseled in the Word of Wisdom in D&C 89, would rather that you eat healthily and treat your body right, through doing such things as exercising regularly.

We will be blessed as we are obedient to God's commandments. As you have been reading perhaps you have realized that having faith and loving others are both commandments. It is true that to be perfect is to be obedient to all of God's commandments. While I began by stating that being perfect could be summarized under three categories, there is actually only one category - being obedient to God.

As Joseph Smith taught, "Whatever God requires is right, no matter what it is, although we may not see the reason thereof till long after the events transpire" (Teachings of the Prophet Joseph Smith, pg. 256; as quoted by Jeffrey R. Holland).

Do not blindly follow any commandments told to you. Learn for yourself that the commandments in the scriptures and from modern prophets are true. Pray to God to learn for yourself what is right. "Doubt not, but be believing" (Mormon 9:27). God will answer you by confirming what you are doing is right, when you follow His prophets.

As we strive to do what is right, we will inevitablly fail from time to time. Our Heavenly Father knows that our perfection is not going to be an immediate occurance. The Lord said, "Ye are not able to abide the presence of God now, neither the ministering of angels; wherefore, continue in patience until ye are perfected" (D&C 67:13). We must "continue in patience" towards perfection. We should not be hard on ourselves for not being perfect at this exact moment. However, if we continue faithfully, we will one day reach perfection when we dwell with our Heavenly Father in the life to come.

As you work through the process of becoming perfect, remember these words from the Lord's apostles:

"We all need to remember: men are that they might have joy - not guilt trips!" (Elder Russell M. Nelson; see also 2 Nephi 2:25).

"Worthiness is a process, and perfection is an eternal trek. We can be worthy to enjoy certain privileges without being perfect" (Elder Marvin J. Ashton).

"The Church is 'for the perfecting of the saints' (Ephesians 4:12); it is not a well-provisioned rest home for the already perfected" (Elder Neal A. Maxwell).

Goals for this week:

• Are you seeking to be perfect in something that is not very important? If so, change your goals. Seek to have greater faith in God by reading the scriptures and praying. Seek to have greater love by serving those around you.
• Before following any commandment, pray to know for yourself that it is true.

Choosing Friends

Behold there are save two churches only; the one is the church of the Lamb of God, and the other is the church of the devil; wherefore, whoso belongeth not to the church of the Lamb of God belongeth to that great church, which is the mother of abominations; and she is the whore of all the earth.

- 1 Nephi 14:10

You may wonder why, when I title an entry, "Choosing Friends," that I would open with a scripture about two churches. The term, "church" comes from the Greek word, Ecclesia, meaning "an assembly called together" (see Bible Dictionary). And, really, what are friends, but an assembly, or group, that you can call together? And thus, my reference to two churches. Essentially, when you choose your friends, you can choose those that will build you up and help you become a better person, or you can choose friends that hinder your progress or even pull you backwards.

When Joseph Smith was 14 years old, he sought to find out which of all the churches on the earth was the true church of God. As he experienced the miracle of the First Vision, and asked God which church he should join, Joseph Smith states, "I was answered that I must join none of them, for they were all wrong; and the Personage who addressed me said that all their creeds were an abomination in his sight;... they teach for doctrines the commandments of men, having a form of godliness, but they deny the power thereof" (Joseph Smith - History 1:19).

An abomination is "a vile, shameful, or detestable action, condition, habit, etc." (seeDictionary.com). God considers all churches which do not teach the complete truth, "an abomination in his sight." Does that seem sort of harsh to you? It did to me. After all, even if not every church in the world has the complete truth, they are still trying to help their followers come closer to God, aren't they? Hence, I did think the term was a bit harsh; at least until I heard a woman in our ward explain the concept of "abomination" in a way I hadn't previously considered. I like to call her analogy, "The Parable of the Tossed Salad."

When you set out to make a tossed salad, you probably put some chopped lettuce in a bowl. You then add other ingredients, such as carrots, tomatoes, eggs, some sort of meat, onions, etc. You may wish to add some other items, as your own appetite suggests, but I believe we can generally agree that if anyone was to look at it, they would call the creation a tossed salad.

Now, imagine someone were to take a slice of carrot, serve it to you on a plate, and call it a salad. To a person who only knew a salad to be a single slice of carrot, they would probably be happy with the offering. However, to you or I who knows better, we would consider this "salad" an abomination. For someone to try to pawn that off on us as a salad would be a "detestable action."

Thus it is that God, who knows what comprises "the only true and living church" (D&C 1:30), views any other church as an abomination, which lacks those essential qualities.

And so it is with your friends. Any friend that drags you away from having a relationship with God is an abomination to you.

You probably have some "questionable" friends who you've had to defend to your parents by saying something like, "they aren't that bad." You can also argue that "Jesus came into the world to save sinners" (1 Timothy 1:15) and, if you're meant to be like Him, then you are going to have to spend time with friends who your parents don't approve of.

This may surprise you, but I'm not here to tell you to not hang out with any friends that fall into that "questionable" category. At this point, if your parents are reading this, I'm sure they are about to ban you from reading anything else I write. But, before you click on to another site, please continue reading until the end so that I can thoroughly explain myself.

You may have questionable friends. If you do, I certainly hope you are being a good example to them. I grew up in Michigan and was only one of two members of the LDS Church in my high school of over 1,500. On top of that, the other member was not one who attended regularly. Thus, I was surrounded by friends whose actions were sometimes questionable. I would like to think that I was a good example to them. However, I now recognize that sometimes, by choosing to spend my time with them, my spiritual progress was hindered.

You may feel you are following the example of Christ by spending time with certain friends your parents disapprove of. Keep in mind, however, that even when Jesus was spending time with sinners, His spiritual progress was never halted. He never regressed into something less than he should have been. When your parents are giving you a hard time about spending time with certain friends, take time to think about whether or not they might have a point. If you can honestly tell yourself that you are still progressing spiritually, even while spending time with them, then carry on. However, if you find yourself moving backwards spiritually, or maybe even stagnating in your progress, that is a sign that such a friend is not one to keep around.

Consider the story of Corianton (see Alma 39-42), the son of Alma the Younger. He chose not to give heed to the words of his father, the prophet. In fact, he "didst go on unto boasting in [his] strength and [his] wisdom." (Alma 39:2). Surely he must have believed that, in spending time with the infamous harlot Isabel, he would never give in to the temptation to sin. He probably thought he would be able to convert her to the truth of the gospel. Coriaton's overconfidence - his reliance on himself rather than the Lord - was ultimately his downfall.

We all would probably like to believe, like Corianton, that whatever we are doing is right. We like to think that we are immune to the same weaknesses that have caused others to fall. The fact is, we all have weaknesses (see Ether 12:27). Thus, when your parents give you a hard time for spending too much time with a particular friend, maybe they have noticed you sliding backward spiritually.

In such instances, it is natural for our first reaction to be defensive - to shout back that our parents have no idea what they are talking about. However, before you react in such a way, pause and take some time to think (this could really freak your parents out if they're used to having you yell at them). Think about what your actions are now compared to how you used to be, or how the Lord expects you to be. Ask yourself "How strong am I spiritually?" Also ask yourself, "Am I strong enough to influence my friend, or will he or she more likely to influence me?" Finally, "Will he or she respect me for not doing certain things I believe are wrong, or will my friend try to pull me down to join them in the depths of sin?"

Many people who start out trying to help a rebellious friend end up supporting them in their sins so much so that they fall prey to committing the same sins themselves. If you have found yourself struggling to keep the commandments when you are around a certain friend, you may need to break off the friendship. It is of the utmost importance that you remain true to yourgospel standards.

However, if you do have the strength to remain true to your beliefs and be an influence on your friend - rather than being influenced by your friend - talk to your parents and make a plan for how you will help your friend. This may involve explaining your standards, inviting them to church and youth activities, and introducing him or her to the missionaries. Remember that Christ, for all the time he spent with sinners, was never involved in their sins. Instead, he always invited them to "come, follow me" (Luke 18:22).

While you're asking yourself if your parents might have a point about your friend, how can you tell if you're falling backward instead of moving forward? Here is a short test: Do you find yourself still praying daily? Do you still read your scriptures as often as you did before? Do you take your Church meetings seriously, or are you anxious to get out of the building as soon as possible? Are you feeling the fruits of the Spirit, which are "love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, meekness, temperance" (Galatians 5:22-23), or are you feeling their opposites? These are just a few points by which you can measure yourself. Alma provided many other questions to ask yourself in Alma 5. Reading Alma's words is an excellent way to have an interview with yourself to see if you're progressing or regressing.

I would like to share a story about a time when I was regressing. While not as severe as some situations you might be able to share, I believe it illustrates an important point. I met a girl at my first job, working in a grocery store. For the sake of the story, we'll call her Sarah. Sarah was a little older than me, in that she was in her first year of college, while I was still a senior in high school. I faced some stiff competition for her affection. One was another high school senior, who was arguably better-looking than myself, and also more self-confident in his approach to women. The other was her ex-boyfriend with whom she was still good friends and who appeared to be in the lead for rekindling their affection. Essentially, I didn't have a chance. Yet, I'm a sucker for heartache and pain, so I tried anyway.

Typically, after a shift from work, I would head straight home, as my curfew was shortly thereafter. Nevertheless, one evening the four of us decided to hang out in the parking lot after our shift. I thought to myself, how can I let this opportunity pass by to show Sarah that I am the better guy? So I stayed in the parking lot, well past my curfew. This was before the days when everyone had cell phones, so I did not let my parents know I would be late.

Now, you may be thinking to yourself, breaking curfew is a fairly small thing. Depending on the family you are raised in, perhaps it is. Regardless, I was still breaking a rule in order to spend more time with this girl. Also, this rule was one that was generally very easy to obey in normal circumstances. That should have caused me to wonder what bigger rules would I be willing to break if she were willing to go out with me? The fact is, she did not make me a better person - and thus, was not the right person for me. However, being somewhat dense when is comes to matters of the heart, I took a long time to figure that out.

In fact, I later asked this girl out to a dance at my high school. Sarah loved high school dances. She always talked about how she did not like college and wished she could go back to high school and relive the good times. Sarah had no desire to grow up, no desire to progress. How could I expect to progress in my own life when I was spending my time with a girl who had no desire to progress in her own life?

As I stated earlier, I was rather dense when it came to matters of the heart, so I continued to spend time with this girl in an effort to beat out my competition. In the end though, Sarah made the decision to date none of us. She met some other guy, I left for college, and I will probably never know what happened with her. I would like to think that maybe Sarah grew up and became more responsible. However, even though I cannot say what happened to her, I do know what happened to me. I met, and eventually married, a woman who helps me become a better person. As I spend more time with her, I want to do better in everything I do. Surprisingly enough, she says the same thing about me!

I sincerely hope you have friends that are helping you to become a better person. But, if not, I hope you have the strength to make a change. Change is not always easy. However, you can be assured that there will always be friends out there to match whatever personality you choose to exhibit. You may think it will be impossible to find new friends to match a more righteous personality. Do not give up. You can look through any high school yearbook to see the wide variety of clubs available. Just as there are many different clubs, there are many more types of personalities for you to make friends with. If your family has ever moved to a new area, you will surely understand that, even though it is intimidating to face the prospect of making new friends, it can be done. However, it is up to you to act first. You cannot go through life expecting people to always approach you to become their friend. You get to choose who to be friends with. As part of that process, you must be proactive in making friends. Introduce yourself; give high-fives to random people in school hallways; talk to other people at church. Whatever way you choose to do it, know that it can be done, but it is up to you.

Elder Richard G. Scott taught,

We have great confidence in you. You don’t need to compromise your standards to be accepted by good friends. The more obedient you are, the more you stand for true principles, the more the Lord can help you overcome temptation (See 1 Corinthians 10:13). You can also help others because they will feel your strength. Let them know about your standards by consistently living them.... No one intends to make serious mistakes. They come when you compromise your standards to be more accepted by others. You be the strong one. You be the leader. Choose good friends and resist peer pressure together.

Good friends will always help you to be a better person. As mentioned earlier, just as God categorizes churches in two group, there are two types of friends - ones that will help you grow closer to God, and those that pull you away from Him. Such friends that drag you down are an abomination to you.

True friends will not gossip about you, nor with they encourage you to gossip about others. True friends will, instead, build you up. They will be loyal, kind, understanding, helpful, unselfish, willing to share, comforting, honest, forgiving, supportive, and so on.

So what does a good friend look like? Allow me to share another story. Growing up, I had two outgoing friends from church, Jay and Peter. We lived far from each other, so we didn't see each other very often. Nevertheless, I loved being around them because I was better for it. In one instance, we went to pick up one of their other friends to go to a movie. When the friend came to the door, he said he could not go out, because his mom said he had to finish washing the dishes.

At this point we had a choice. I was the typed of teen who would have said, "Gee, that sucks. I guess we'll catch you some other time." Jay and Peter were the type of friends who pulled me inside and we all helped the friend wash the dishes so he could come along.

Everyone deserves that type of friend. If you don't have one, be one for someone else.

True friends help you find joy in life. More importantly though, they help us become better people, such that we can be, as Elder Monte J. Brough's put it, "worthy of the greatest friendship of all." The scriptures show that the Lord called Abraham His friend because of his righteousness (see James 2:23). Later, in this dispensation, He bestowed the same title of "friend" on his Apostles (see D&C 84:63, 77; D&C 93:45).

Elder Monte J. Brough further added, "friendship is a wonderful gift. The more often we give it, the more often we receive it. I hope we are all grateful for quality friends. And may we all seek to be truly good friends—to bring out the best in each other and help each other live righteous lives. Wouldn't it be wonderful to hear the Savior call us 'friend' someday?"

Goals for this week:

• Assess your friends. Do they uplift you or would you be better off without them?
• If changes in your choice of friends are necessary, make them. If you need help making the change, talk to your parents, your bishop, your youth leaders, or another trusted adult.
• If you feel you are strong enough to be a righteous influence on your friends, do not wait. Share your beliefs and invite them to join you at church this week.

Media

Forsake your sins, and go no more after the lusts of your eyes.

- Alma 39:9

It may seem strange to introduce the topic of media with a scripture about forsaking sins and not going after the lusts of our eyes. Nevertheless, media is often the lust of our eyes and our ears. How often do we schedule our evenings around what is on television that evening? How much time do we spend listening to music through headphones rather then engaging in conversation with those around us? While television and music are not necessarily horrible things, they can sometimes be perverted for the purposes of Satan.

Consider carefully the words of the prophet Alma to his wayward son, Corianton, “Forsake your sins, and go no more after the lusts of your eyes.” (Alma 39:9.) What else can the expression "the lusts of your eyes,” be applied to in our day? Movies, television programs, and video recordings that are both suggestive and crude. Magazines and books that are obscene and pornographic. Musical lyrics that promote violence and inappropriate sexual behavior.

President Ezra Taft Benson taught, "We counsel you, young men [and women], not to pollute your minds with such degrading matter, for the mind through which this filth passes is never the same afterwards. Don’t see R-rated movies or vulgar videos or participate in any entertainment that is immoral, suggestive, or pornographic. Don’t listen to music that is degrading."

As I meet with various youth, I inevitably hear about a song or a television show that, "really isn't that bad." I even hear adults talk about certain movies which have, as the adult will readily admit, "questionable language," but "hey, it is really funny."

Elder Cree-L Kofford noted, "All too often, we get ourselves enmeshed in the process of trying to understand why God gave us a particular commandment. We want to rationalize. I don’t know where that is more evident than in watching movies. Young people know they should not watch R- or X-rated movies, and yet time after time I hear them say, 'Well it’s only rated R because it’s violent.' What difference does it make why it is rated R? The fact is, a prophet of God has said not to go to R-rated movies. That ought to be good enough."

It is ridiculous to assume why God gave us a commandment in order to justify ourselves for breaking it. For example, would it be fair for me to kill someone because I believe that the commandment, "Thou shalt not kill," (Exodus 20:13) only applies to people that I like; not people I do not get along with? I would hope that you would agree that such justification is contrary to God's commandments. Thus, why should we justify ourselves in watching R-rated movies, viewing pornography, or listening to music with inappropriate lyrics?

Sadly, there will always be those who will try to justify the little things that are wrong with their movies or music by arguing that it is not really that bad, or that the good points outweigh the bad.

To these people Nephi spoke, "And others will [Satan] pacify, and lull them away into carnal security. ...

"And behold, others he flattereth away, and telleth them there is no hell; and he saith unto them: I am no devil, for there is none - and thus he whispereth in their ears, until he grasps them with his awful chains, from whence there is no deliverance" (2 Nephi 28:21-22).

Marvin J. Ashton challenged youth, "cooperate with parents who are concerned about your reading and your viewing. Be concerned yourself about what you take into your mind. Young people, you would never eat a meal of spoiled or contaminated food if you could help it, would you? Select your reading and your viewing carefully and in good taste."

When we justify watching a movie with only one or two sex scenes, because it has a good story, it is like eating a delicious meal with only one or two cockroaches in it. Do not justify sin, it is never worth it.

Elder M. Russell Ballard pointed out "often media's most devastating attacks on family are not direct or frontal or openly immoral. Intelligent evil is too cunning for that, knowing that most people still profess belief in family and in traditional values. Rather the attacks are subtle and amoral - issues of right and wrong don't even come up. Immorality and sexual innuendo are everywhere, causing some to believe that because everyone is doing it, it must be all right."

Just because "everyone is doing it," does not mean that you should. First off, not everyone is doing it. Furthermore, as Elder M. Russell Ballard taught:

"Now, I'm aware there may be a few of you who think that you know better than the leaders of the Church about this subject. You may even argue that there is artistic merit or that 'everyone is doing it.' You may believe that you are not one of those people who will be influenced by on-screen sex or violence. To you I have only one question: are you going to follow the true and living prophets or not? It really isn't any more complicated than that. The standard of the Church with regard to morality is clear. If you choose to read anything that contains material that is contrary to the moral standards of the Church, then you are placing yourself and your own wisdom above the counsel of God and His prophets - a course of action that would indeed be very unwise. As soon as you begin to think that you know better than the leaders of the Church, that our counsel doesn't apply to you, you are stepping onto a slippery slope that has claimed far too many victims already. It takes real desire and unequivocal, unreserved faith to accept and to live prophetic counsel even when you may not completely understand it. Such sincere desire and simple faith has the power to guide you safely through every challenge you may face in your life."

You are never benefited by justifying sin - not even if others are doing it. However, you will always be blessed as you follow God's commandments, as given by his prophets. I once worked at LDS Family Services. One of my responsibilities included leading a therapy group for men with addictions to pornography. The men ranged from 18 to 60-plus. Nearly all of them got in to pornography thinking it was no big deal - that they could quit anytime. Only when they tried to quit did they realize how difficult it was. If you are involved in pornography, you may feel it would be easy to quit. You may feel it will not be a problem for you to give up prior to serving as a missionary. I promise that you will be surprised at how difficult of an addiction it will be to overcome - you may not even realize you are addicted. Seek help from your parents and bishopnow. Do not wait until just before your mission. Overcoming the pornography habit will take longer than you think. No matter how long it takes you will find great happiness when your life is in line with God's commandments.

The leaders of the Church are more "in touch" than you may give them credit for. As President Gordon B. Hinckley acknowledged, "You face tremendous temptation. It comes at you in the halls of popular entertainment, on the Internet, in the movies, on television, in cheap literature, and in other ways - subtle, titillating, and difficult to resist. Peer pressure may be almost overpowering. But, my dear young friends, you must not give in. You must be strong. You must take the long look ahead rather than succumbing to the present seductive temptation."

Follow the counsel provided in For the Strength of Youth regarding the forms of entertainment you choose.

Do not waste away your existence surfing the Internet or playing video games. This is not to say that these things are completely useless - they can be quite good for alleviating stress. However, they can often dominate one's life. Elder Steven E. Snow observed, "too often we are reluctant to enter the next stage, begin the next challenge. Maybe we are too comfortable, fearful, or lacking in faith. ... Our parents’ basement, with unlimited video games, may be more appealing than college, marriage, or a career."

You must be involved in developing other ways of coping with stress. As you prepare to serve as a missionary, Elder L. Tom Perry instructed, "you must recognize that missionary service is emotionally demanding. Your support system is going to be withdrawn from you as you leave home and go out into the world. Many of the ways you use now to cope with emotional stress - like hanging out with friends, going off by yourself, playing video games, or listening to music - are not allowed by the rules of missionary conduct. There will be days of rejection and disappointment. Learn now about your emotional limits, and learn how to control your emotions under the circumstances you will face as a missionary."

Learning now how to cope with stress will help you not only as a missionary, but throughout adulthood. Spend time learning new hobbies, playing sports, reading and writing. Do not isolate yourself, but become involved.

Elder Perry further observed, "more and more, young people are isolating themselves from others by playing video games; wearing headphones; and interacting through cell phones, e-mail, text messaging, and so on instead of in person. Much of missionary work involves relating face-to-face with people, and unless you set the bar higher in the development of your social skills, you will find yourself underprepared. Let me offer a simple suggestion: get a job that involves interacting with people."

Part of the problem with modern media is that it can become consuming. Why spend your time watching other people live their dreams instead of living out your own dreams? Get a job, get involved in the community and in Church activities - live your own life. As the Lord commanded, "Cease to be idle" (D&C 88:124).

Elder Dallin H. Oaks observed, "Some young people are amusing themselves to death - spiritual death." Do not skip Church youth activities to participate in other entertainments or community activities. Do not spend time surfing the Internet at the expense of serving the Lord through your church responsibilities. Do not devote time to downloading movies or music illegally. It is stealing, no matter how you try to justify it. Just as you would wish to be compensated for your work, pay others for the work they do.

Live your life by being creative. It takes no creativity to watch a movie or listen to a song. Spend your time learning new skills. It will take time, but you will feel greater satisfaction when you have accomplished such a task than you will at having memorized the lines of your favorite movie.

President Dieter F. Uchtdorf taught, "Everyone can create. You don’t need money, position, or influence in order to create something of substance or beauty. Creation brings deep satisfaction and fulfillment. We develop ourselves and others when we take unorganized matter into our hands and mold it into something of beauty."

Media can be wonderful when you seek out uplifting materials. Even then, do not let movies, television, music, pornography, or any other thing, prevent you from living your life. Spend your time in prayer learning what talents God has blessed you with. Then, go out and develop your talents.

Goals for this week:

• Get rid of any R-rated movies or inappropriate music you own. Stop watching any television shows that are not uplifting.
• If you are of age, get a job. Become involved with people face-to-face - not just through texting, e-mail, or chat rooms.
• Develop a hobby - learn to make things or fix things. These talents will help you deal with stress in an appropriate manner and provide you a sense of accomplishment.

The Power of Language

And thus the language of Nephi began to be taught among all the people of the Lamanites.

- Mosiah 24:4

Over 400 years after Lehi's family left Jerusalem, there was a king of the Lamanites named Laman. He was not a righteous man, but he did realize the important of language. Therefore he appointed teachers so that the Lamanites "should keep their record, and that they might write one to another" (Mosiah 24:6).

Apparently, over the course of time since separating themselves from the Nephites, the Lamanites had not bothered to teach their children how to read or write. Their communication with each other was therefore limited. Their knowledge of written language was so poor, they probably could not have even communicated through texting (which is a language your parents may never understand)!

While it would be useless for me to try to make you give up texting as a language, I would encourage to learn how to use the English language properly. One of the best ways for learning how to write is by reading a variety of books. The Lord counseled, "seek ye out of the best books words of wisdom" (D&C 88:118). As you read, you learn to associate how words are arranged for proper grammar. Take the time to look up words you do not know. When writing reports for school, use spell check. However, do not become over-reliant on any spell check program. The talent of learning to spell for yourself will be important at any job you will have in the future - your boss will be impressed. You would probably be amazed by the number of college graduates that are horrible spellers. Your ability to spell will put your resume at the top of the list when it comes to applying for jobs in the future.

President Gordon B. Hinckley taught, "there can be no doubt, none whatever, that education pays. Do not short-circuit your lives." Take the time to learn the nuances of the language you speak (also, take the time to learn what the term "nuance" means). Do not take the easy way out and joke about your poor spelling or writing skills. Instead, work to improve these skills. Regardless of your employment aspirations, you will do written work for your boss. Poor spelling and the inability to communicate effectively through writing can mean the difference between a promotion and remaining in the same job for years to come.

Not only is writing an important skill to master, but also the skill of public speaking. Nephi tells us he was not "mighty in writing, like unto speaking" (2 Nephi 33:1). You may not feel you are a great speaker. I often feel the opposite way of Nephi, that my writing ability is better than my speaking. You may think I am not very good at either!

One of the best ways to improve your speaking skills is to focus on the positive attributes of your own speaking and build on that. Pay attention to other speakers you meet at school, church, or in the community. What do they do well? Can you use it in your own talks?

Scott Adams, author of Dilbert, once attended a Dale Carnegie Public Speaking course. A portion of his experience is shared below. You can find the full text here and here.

The Dale Carnegie approach to teaching public speaking is to compliment the speaker for whatever he or she does well, and never mention any flaws....

The first day was grim. One woman stood frozen in front of the group, unable to generate an intelligible word. Beads of sweat literally dripped off her chin. It was horrible to watch. She choked out a few words and returned to her seat, defeated. Our instructor came to the front of the room and said, "Wow. That was really brave."

And it was. We all knew it was true. This woman had put her head in the lion’s mouth. Suddenly we all realized we had witnessed something important. We applauded. And it changed her. Each week, she managed a little bit more. And each week the instructor and the class recognized her achievement. By the end of the course, everyone in the class was an exceptional speaker, and we all looked forward to our few minutes in front of the class. It was like witnessing a frickin' miracle.

If you have ever had to speak, whether in school or at church, odds are you have picked up on everything you have done wrong. You probably feel as if you have failed at the end of speaking. Thus, Dale Carnegie's method is for your classmates to focus on what you do well. You already know what you have done wrong - there is no sense in hearing it again. However, when you hear what you have done well, it provides you with a base on which to build - much like the woman in the story who succeeded in overcoming her fear of speaking.

One way of overcoming your fear of speaking is to be well prepared on the topic you are speaking. As the Lord says, "if ye are prepared ye shall not fear" (D&C 38:30). That is not to say you should memorize all that you plan to say, but that you should be well-versed in your topic. Thus, when the Lord counsels you to "take no thought beforehand what ye shall speak" (Mark 13:11), it is not to say you should not study your topic, but that you should not have a memorized speech. Instead, you should understand His words so well that they are written upon your heart (see 2 Corinthians 3:2-3) and you can speak about them without a script.

When you are speaking in school or in church, you can benefit from writing down general notes to remind you of things to say. Having such notes enables you to stay on topic (if you are prone to wander) while able being able to be prompted by the Spirit (which you may be tempted to ignore if you are constrained by a script).

Some additional helps in preparing a talk for church can be found here: "The Seven Deadly Sins of Sacrament Meeting Talks" by Christian A. Johnson - OR - "Ten Tips for Terrific Talks" from the "Prepare a Talk" section at the official LDS Church website.

In addition to knowing how to use language, be sure to use clean language. You may think you will impress your friends by knowing bad words are being able to share a lot of dirty jokes. However, regardless of whether or not they laugh, you will not have gained their respect. I used to have the following quote hanging in my office: “Profanity is the attempt of a lazy and feeble mind to express itself forcefully.” When someone uses profanity to support their argument, it shows that either the person or their argument is weak - probably both. There is never a good reason to swear. Think about it - can you think any situation where swearing would be the decent and proper thing to do? If you can, it is probably not a situation you should be involving yourself in to begin with. Again, there is never a good reason to swear.

Jesus taught, "that which cometh out of the mouth, this defileth a man" (Matthew 15:11). In a general epistle to the entire Church issued by the First Presidency on April 8, 1887, a hundred years ago, they said concerning this problem, which evidently was serious then as it is now, "The habit ... , which some young people fall into, of using vulgarity and profanity ... is not only offensive to well-bred persons, but it is a gross sin in the sight of God, and should not exist among the children of the Latter-day Saints" (as quoted by President Gordon B. Hinckley).

Not only should you use clean language, but your words should be kind. The jokes you tell should not be intended to hurt others. You should not start, or pass on, gossip about someone with the intent to injure them.

If you have the habit of swearing or gossiping, how do you break it? The first step is making a decision to change. The next time you are tempted to use words you know to be wrong, or say things that are mean-spirited, simply stop. Keep your mouth shut or say what you have to say in a different way. As you practice such restraint, it will become easy. President Heber J. Grantoften quoted the following statement, which is sometimes attributed to Ralph Waldo Emerson: "That which we persist in doing becomes easier for us to do - not that the nature of the thing is changed, but that our power to do is increased."

As you put forth the effort to increase your language skills and to speak kind words to - and about - others, you will be blessed with increased happiness.

Goals for this week:

• If you swear or use other rude language - stop. It is a difficult habit to break, but it will reap benefits when it comes time for searching for jobs in the future.
• Join an improv comedy group, the debate team, or the drama club at your school (if there is one). Each of these programs can facilitate your learning to speak in public.
• Read a book that you have never read before.
• Pay attention to the speaker in your next church meeting (regardless of how boring he or she may be). Take notes of at least three things that person does well. Try to incorporate these skills when you speak in public.

Understanding Others' Point of View

They were a wild, and ferocious, and a blood-thirsty people, believing in the tradition of their fathers, which is this—Believing that they were driven out of the land of Jerusalem because of the iniquities of their fathers, and that they were wronged in the wilderness by their brethren, and they were also wronged while crossing the sea;

- Mosiah 10:12

How many of your beliefs are based on what your parents have taught you? You may not believe everything your parents teach you, but most of your actions and beliefs are at least influenced by what your parents have taught you. For example, your beliefs about drugs, pre-marital sex, and murder likely started with whatever your parents taught you. These are your traditions. Just as a family may have traditions of Family Home Evening, prayer, and eating dinner together, there are many families with traditions that can be detrimental to themselves and others. I have met a number of families in which the use of illegal drugs and other substances were not only allowed, but encouraged. Obviously there will be traditions in every family which are not necessarily correct.

Such is the case with the Lamanites. As noted in the scripture above, generations of Lamanites had been raised to believe the Nephites had swindled them. A look at the early chapters of 1 Nephi will help us see how their views became tainted.

For example, Lehi (see 1 Nephi 8) and Nephi (see 1 Nephi 11), each have a dream about the Tree of Life which, as we learn from 1 Nephi 11:22, is symbolic of the Love of God. By being humble enough to ask God to confirm this, anyone could have learned the truth of Lehi' dream. However, Laman and Lemuel were not the type to go and pray about much of anything (see 1 Nephi 15:9). So, how would they possibly explain this to their posterity? Well, how would you explain it, if you didn't believe it? Lehi and Nephi were dreaming about great and spacious floating buildings (see1 Nephi 8:26) and magical fruit from some magical tree. In modern times, we would likely diagnose Lehi and Nephi with having some sort of drug-induced psychosis. It is entirely possible that Laman and Lemuel simply believed that their father and brother were crazy!

Laman was the first volunteer to go to get the brass plates (see 1 Nephi 3:11). He and Lemuel also gave up their possessions in an effort to get the plates. When they shared this experience with their posterity, they likely left out the fact that they were complaining the entire time. Laman and Lemuel were also visited by an angel (see 1 Nephi 3:29). They probably did not tell their children about how they were beating Nephi. Laman probably also told his children how Nephi had stolen his birthright, ignoring the fact that the Lord had "chosen [Nephi] to be a ruler over [them], and this because of [their] iniquities" (see 1 Nephi 3:29).

As you read more of the writings of Nephi, you can see examples of situations in which Laman and Lemuel are seeing things from a different point of view. These differences could have been resolved, had Laman and Lemuel been humble enough to go to the Lord with their difficulties, so that they could have been enlightened by the Spirit of God to better understand. How different the Book of Mormon could have been if only Laman and Lemuel had been willing to listen to the Spirit with their hearts and minds, rather than only listening to words with their ears!

How many times have you watched a movie or read a book in which a character eavesdropped on a portion of a conversation and became offended, even though they had not stayed around long enough to get the entire picture. Luckily, television shows and movies generally allow these unfortunate misunderstandings to be resolved with happy endings.

Sadly, too many of us habor hatred toward others simply because we haven't been willing to look at a situation from all angles.

In some situations, we may be in the right and others have feelings of hatred towards us. Understanding another person's point of view does not mean we have to agree with them. However, taking the time to understand them often allows the hatred and hurt to fade away.

As a youth, I felt left out at church. There were many youth in the ward. They always seemed to have parties and would sit in the lobby in between classes - never inviting me to join them. It got to the point where I didn't even want them to invite me anymore, I would rather be on my own.I would walk around the inside of the church building to waste away time between Sunday School and Priesthood meeting. The oval shape of the hallways in LDS Churches makes a great walking track - I should have been thinner for all the time I spent there. For years I felt bitter about being left out. This is not to say that the experience consumed my life - I simply do not have any fond memories of those times from my youth. After all, wasn't The Church supposed to be inclusive? Even President Gordon B. Hinckley taught that one of three things every member of the Church needs is "a friend." Thus, I felt I had been denied something in my youth.

Not until years later did I learn, in a letter from my brother, that people had viewed me as being stuck-up and unapproachable. In other words, I had pushed away potential friends by walking around my "track" rather than making an effort to be outgoing. This is not to say that the other youth shouldn't have made an effort to include me, but that I was not entirely innocent in my feelings of bitterness about being left out.

In teaching a solution to divorce, President Hinckley taught, "If every husband and every wife would constantly do whatever might be possible to ensure the comfort and happiness of his or her companion, there would be very little, if any, divorce. Argument would never be heard. Accusations would never be leveled. Angry explosions would not occur. Rather, love and concern would replace abuse and meanness."

While you may not be married, there is an important principle that President Hinckley is teaching. You are probably familiar with The Golden Rule: "Whatsoever ye would that men should do to you, do ye even so to them." (Matthew 7:12). President Hinckley is teaching us a higher law: to not just do to others what you would like to have done to you, but rather to do to others what they want to have done.

You may feel that others around you are doing you wrong. You may also be entirely correct in this belief. However, Jesus would teach you to serve those around you. It is the best way of resolving differences. Although the world may justify you for being mean to those that were mean to you first, it will never bring you happiness. I've seen too many families destroyed by this belief. If you are kind to others, you will feel an increase of happiness - regardless of what others may do to you.

Growing up in my family, I remember that one of my older brothers, Steven, and one of my older sisters, Lisa, did not always get along so well. I was too young to know all of the details, but I do remember that Lisa was tired of Steven not being very sensitive to anyone else's needs. So Lisa began an experiment. She began telling Steven, on an almost daily basis, "Steven, you're so sensitive." Impressively, she was able to say this without the sarcasm that so many of us might be tempted to include. At first, this approach did not seem to help. If anything, Steven's behaviors got worse. As time went on, however, Steven lived up to the expectations my sister had placed on him. Today Steven is grown up and is busy with work and a family of his own. However, he is often the first to respond when there are events within our family (such as deaths, marriages, graduations, etc.). He may not be completely perfect, but having had someone expect more of him (in this case my sister), his behavior became kinder and gentler.

It is true that we may not always understand why people act the way they do. Even when we ask them, they may not be willing to tell us. However, we should take the time to love them regardless of how they may treat us in return.

Anyone who has been baptized has promised to be sensitive to others' needs. As Alma taught those who were in hiding from the wicked King Noah, we must be"willing to mourn with those that mourn; yea, and comfort those that stand in need of comfort... that [we] may have eternal life" (Mosiah 18:9).

While you may feel that others owe you this kind of loving treatment, it is far more important that you treat others in this fashion. You must live as an example of the Savior.

Goals for this week:

• Introduce yourself to someone new - whether at church or at school.
  
• Do something nice for someone else who you feel is being unkind to you.